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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25057168">Roundabout</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadFaithArgument/pseuds/BadFaithArgument'>BadFaithArgument</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Rick and Morty</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abusive Relationship, Ferris Wheel, Films, Incest, Love Triangle, M/M, Mentally ill main character, Messy Main Character, Toxic Relationship, Unreliable Narrator, beach, c-137cest, space travel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 00:47:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,048</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25057168</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadFaithArgument/pseuds/BadFaithArgument</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>On his sixteenth birthday, Morty fell in love with the beach. <br/>On his seventeenth birthday, Morty fell in love with film.<br/>On his eighteenth birthday, Morty… Morty messed up.  </p><p>On Morty's 18 birthday, his feelings for Rick come to ahead and he's driven to act on them. The same day, he finally meets a boy who seems to get him. Now Morty is caught between two different relationships, while still trying to figure out what the future holds for him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jessica/Morty Smith, Morty Smith/Other(s), Rick Sanchez/Morty Smith</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Questions of Innocence (Grumpiltin, 20XX)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Open: Blitz and Chips, near Earth Midnight, but the only people thinking about time are those running from something. </p><p>Set the stage: It was loud and colorful and so many people, all constantly in motion. There are so many things to do or eat or be that it's easy to get trapped here, chasing something. </p><p>Morty always found it a bit overwhelming but grounded himself with Rick's excitement. Currently, Rick's energy was directed at the newest shooter in the arcade. When Morty had played, he had thought he was pretty good, but Rick was fantastic. Rick moved with a toy gun as he did in the middle of battle, fluid and dangerous. </p><p>"Are you- are you paying attention, Morty? I got to teach you to shoot, ca n't-can't have you embarrassing me." Rick said, smiling.  </p><p>Morty nodded in response. Rick had been kind all night. He'd loaded Morty into the ship right after school, taking him to some of Morty's favorite places in the multiverse. They'd gone to an indie film on Lotus Earth, a food festival on Z-459 Earth, and Morty's second favorite club in X-654. They'd landed in their universes Blitz and Chips about an hour ago, and Rick hadn't let him sit down the entire night. </p><p>Morty had been suspicious because a nice Rick often meant he was going to ask Morty to do something painful. Combined with Morty forgetting the date, Morty had been thinking up an escape plan a good portion of the night. Then, he had realized Rick hadn't drunk any alcohol all night.</p><p>It was a tradition Rick had started on Morty's sixteenth birthday. They'd gotten into a fight a few days before about Rick getting super drunk and putting Morty in danger. Rick had taken Morty out for his birthday as an apology and had stayed sober the entire night. It became a way to prove he was utterly focused on Morty's happiness. </p><p>Slowly, Morty had let down his guard and allowed himself to relish in the positive attention for the rest of the night. He put the escape plans out of his mind, and when Rick smiled at him, he made sure to smile back. </p><p>Morty watched Rick dart around the game, a goofy smile on his face as he racked up a score he'd brag about the rest of the night. Morty felt an overwhelming fondness for Rick. In moments like this, Morty could only see the goofy man who loved watching weird television and playing video games and getting lost in some science experiment just to push the boundaries of what the universe says is possible.  </p><p>Then Rick's watch struck midnight. Morty never understood how he kept the times right off Earth, but he tried to save his questions - all of his words - for more important things.</p><p>"It's time, Morty." Rick grabbed Morty's arm and pulled him to the eating area. "Hu-Hurry up." Morty smiled at the small stutter. It allowed him a tiny connection to his grandfather. While Morty's stutter had pretty much disappeared, and Rick's came from a mind that worked to quickly for his second language, it was a small similarity Morty held close to his heart. </p><p>They arrived at a table full of food, all random alien dishes that looked similar to French Fries. The dishes surrounded a cake, stacked three layers high with a variety of colors, finished with a topper - a portal gun. Rick released a confetti popper. </p><p>"Surprise!" Rick said. </p><p>Morty stood in shock. "Rick… what's that." Morty gestured towards the cake.  </p><p>"It's obviously for your eighteenth birthday." Rick sounded irritated with Morty's reaction. </p><p>"Bu-bu the portal gun…"</p><p>Rick rubbed his neck. "Yeah, I think you're old enough-"</p><p>Morty jumped into Rick's arms, unwilling to allow Rick to see him cry. </p><p>"Well, don't be weird about it."</p><p>Morty buried his face into Rick's neck and breathed in gasoline and space. The portal gun must have taken Rick days to recreate, and he'd done it for Morty. Rick gave Morty the key to the universe and declared Morty, and only Morty, his equal. Morty could feel his future solidify in front of him.  </p><p>Morty pulled himself back, leaving a small gap between Rick's and his faces. For a moment, the sounds, the people, and the colors faded. They just exchanged air. Then, Morty moved in and kissed him. It was quick and heated. Morty could feel every single moment of lust, love, hatred, and resentment transferring between them. Or, it was on Morty's side. Rick stood frozen. </p><p>Morty waited for a director to say something. <em>Stop the cameras, reset the take, the actor hasn't followed the script.</em> Instead, the world kept going. In fact, it seemed that the people in the arcade had started to move faster. All of the colors more vivid, all the sounds louder, the smell of the food had become overwhelming. </p><p>Rick's face morphed between emotions: shock, confusion, horror, possessive. So, Morty did the only thing he could do. He backed away from Rick, grabbed the portal gun, and put in the first coordinates he could think of. He stepped through the swirling green portal to Z-459 and disappeared.  </p><p>***</p><p>Z-459 was Morty's favorite version of Earth. The first time Morty had come was a surprise the day before his sixteenth birthday. Annually, the entire world stopped and participated in a giant annual food festival. Rick had dragged Morty from island to island trying a variety of foods, some Morty could identify as a version of his Earth' food, some completely alien. Eventually, they'd both been to full to eat anymore and wandered into a local festival. Morty begged Rick to take him on the Ferris Wheel, and they ended up going around for hours. </p><p>One time, when they were stopped at the top of the Ferris Wheel, Rick explained the history of the planet. It had started out like theirs, one giant continent. However, when earthquakes came to shake the world into continents, this world's hadn't stopped. The entire Earth-shaking until there were 100s of tiny islands. Now the world was full of individual cultures that came together for one night of peace and food. Fortunately, it coincided well with Morty's birthday. </p><p>Morty sat on the sand of an island he'd been at earlier that day. He had a small rickety boat on the precipice between sea and sand. He'd planned to set sail, but he found himself unmotivated. Instead, he allowed the faint echoes of the nearby food festival to wash over him, as he drew patterns into the sand.  </p><p>Morty heard a giggle from down the shore. He looked up and saw a young boy running around. The boy's mop of black hair flopped into his eyes, and he was tripping over his sandals. Yet, clearly, he was having the time of his life. An older man chased him, some type of relative given how close their facial features were, especially the identical smiles.</p><p>Then the young boy slipped on the sand, falling flat on his face. The boy let out a piercing wail. Instantly, the older man scoped the little boy up. He leaned in and wiped the tears falling down his face and shushed him. He started to sing a little lullaby and rocked the young boy to sleep.  </p><p>Morty turned away from the moment and finally made his way into the boat. He pushed off the shore and allowed the festival and soft lullabies to fade into the background. <br/>As Morty laid down, he looked up at the setting sun. For a moment, Morty wondered if he could chase it around the world. If he paddled fast enough, could he make it, so he never experienced night again? He didn't move. Instead, he allowed the night sky and stars to cover him.  </p><p>Morty found his thoughts dragged back to Rick. When they had stopped at the top of the Ferris Wheel for the first time at night, Rick said he hated Ferris Wheels. <em>They were the dumbest way to go nowhere. You spend the whole time looking at things you could be doing instead. Not like the beach, which was always changing in the smallest ways. From the people to the weather, to the shore itself. The beach was never the same. You could walk around an entire island and never come back to the same beach. </em></p><p>Morty had found himself agreeing at the time, but that night he hadn't been as sure. Even if it was slightly different, was it really a new place to explore? Weren't you still, in fact, going in circles? The beach just allowed you to pretend you were moving forward, but you were really in a different looking trap. Morty had allowed the horror of the thought wash over him for just a moment. Then he found comfort in it. No matter how much he changed or the beach changed, it would always be there for him to depend on.  </p><p>Morty wondered if Rick was looking for him, or if he was pleased, Morty had left on his own. He wanted to know if Morty's soft, inexperienced lips still lingered for Rick the way Rick's slightly chapped lips lingered for Morty. He wondered if this was the kind of thing Rick wanted to remember, or would he find in the next Morty's Mindblower Rick had removed the memory. It was weird to not know what Rick was thinking, he hadn't felt so unsure of him since he was 14. </p><p>Morty tried to push all of the thoughts out of his mind. Instead, Morty counted stars until his mind was blank, and he allowed the rocking of the boat to guide him to sleep.  </p><p>***</p><p>Some wet dreams felt like soft ocean waves, a protective guide back to the shore of consciousness. Morty's always felt like volcanoes, burning through him, and leaving shame. He opened his eyes and realized the sun was high in the air. He groaned; he'd be late for school if he didn't move right then. However, the thought of interacting with anyone, especially his classmates, was unappealing. People skipped on their birthday all the time, so Morty closed his eyes and laid back down. </p><p>Small flashes of his dream started to come back. Blue hair, piercing eyes, a setting sun, Rick whispering sweet nothings into his ear. Morty's eyes snapped open. </p><p>However, most people aren't constantly dragged out of school by their grandfather. Morty had worked hard to convince his teachers he was working around the issue. They need to feel comfortable passing him if his grades didn't slip, despite attendance. He needed to try and fulfill his end of the bargain as much as possible. Which meant going to school.</p><p>Morty dragged himself to standing in the boat. It rocked a bit, but he managed to maintain his balance. He shot a portal at the bottom of the ship. He jumped through, which proved to be a mistake. He crash-landed on his bedroom floor, and if it wasn't for the clothes scattered everyone, he would have seriously hurt himself.  </p><p>He sat up and listened to make sure no one had woken up. Unless his parents had made up last night, his father was probably still sleeping on the couch, which didn't benefit from being surrounded by soundproof walls. His parents didn't usually care where he was, but even they couldn't ignore him crashing into his room after being out all night. </p><p>When he was met with silence, he breathed a sound of relief. He slowly opened his door and looked both ways. He slipped down the hallway to the bathroom, lightly closing the door behind him. </p><p>He locked the door behind him and breathed a sigh of relief. Sometimes his house felt like any battle zone, especially when he wasn't speaking to Rick. <br/>He got into the shower and allowed the water's transition from cold to hot to slip over him. </p><p>His mind fell back into his dream from last night. He couldn't hold on to images, just feelings. Scratchy sand matching Rick's scratchy lips. Being encased in arms as Rick slid into him. He could feel himself getting hard again, and he slid his hand down. He could almost feel Rick's lips slowly kissing down his neck. He let out a small moan.  <br/>Morty jolted from his fantasy and felt his cheeks heat up. He quickly finished washing off and turned off the shower.  </p><p>Morty made his way into his room, particularly his closet. Before she left for college, Summer had taken him on a shopping spree, determined to help Morty improve his social status through his wardrobe alone. They'd tried a variety of options, but Morty refused to let go of his yellow shirts. He wasn't going to give up one of the few things he still had, so Summer could apologize for leaving him behind. They'd reached a compromise when Summer allowed him to keep the yellow shirts but gave him a variety of styling techniques. </p><p>Today, Morty grabbed his favorite yellow shirt - there was a small tear in the back -, black jeans and a black jean jacket covered in pins he'd gathered from across the galaxy. He grabbed his wallet and his phone and shoved them both into his pockets. He took a quick look around his room to make sure he wasn't missing anything. </p><p>His eyes landed on the portal gun. There probably wouldn't be any need for it in school, and it would only weigh him down with memories of the night before. Morty walked up to his bed, snatched it up like a guilty child, and tucked in his jacket. Just in case. </p><p>Morty made his way downstairs to the kitchen. The entire place was worn, old wallpaper, faded cabinets, and grimy tile. Morty had seen pictures from when he was little. It had been a beautiful kitchen, back when his parents bothered to pretend they could have a happy family.</p><p>Morty scrounges through the cabinets and the fridge: they're barren. Just some rotting fruit and stale crackers. He was nearly hungry enough to check Rick's cupboard. He raised his hand but decided he didn't want to risk the alarm bringing Rick to the kitchen. He decided to skip out on breakfast and pray he had some Earth money in his wallet for lunch.</p><p>Morty tiptoed to the front door. It was silly to think Rick hadn't heard the shower. He had simply decided he also wanted to avoid Morty. However, Morty didn't want to give Rick any reason to rethink the decision, so it was best to act as if he didn't exist. He gathered up his backpack and slowly opened the front door. </p><p>"Where are you going, Morty?" Fuck. Rick was scariest when he didn't stutter at all. A cold, calculation dripped from the words revealing what Morty pretended not to know: Rick was dangerous.  </p><p>"Friday is a school day." Morty retreated to the open door.  </p><p>"So, you're just going to keep running away?" Rick asked. </p><p>"I don't know what you're talking about," Morty replied. Wrong answer. Rick pulled the front door shut, trapping Morty between him and the door. </p><p>Morty turned around to finally face Rick. Rick's jacket brushed up against him. Morty leaned away. He didn't understand why Rick would want to be anywhere near him after last night. Morty breathed in and was hit with the smell of Rick's favorite alcohol. Rick had always been a possessive drunk. </p><p>"I mean, I took my grandson out for his 18th Birthday, and he didn't say thank you."</p><p>"I never say thank you." Morty wanted to turn around and figure out the door handle, but Rick's gaze locked him into place. And therein lies the problem: Rick was a predator. He was menacing, often deadly. Despite what he told himself, it wasn't just the sweet and goofy parts of Rick he found attractive. The danger was just as - sometimes more - arousing. "I- I need to get to school." </p><p>"I want an answer, Morty." Rick leaned in closer. As they exchanged air, Morty was overcome with deja vu. </p><p>Morty looked for something in Rick's eyes. He didn't know what he wanted to see, but he didn't find it. "Yes. Yes, I'm going to run away." Morty replied. <br/>Rick stared at Morty, but he stepped back and opened the door. "Have fun at school."</p><p>Morty sprinted out of the house.  </p><p>***</p><p>The warmth of the classroom, combined with the mid-afternoon sun, always made it challenging to stay awake in English. His class was supposed to be getting an early start on the homework, so everyone had gotten into their cliques and begun swapping gossip. He typically pushed through by doodling movie ideas that only existed in his head. However, his mind kept going back to the films he watched the night before. </p><p>The Lotus Earth indie film scene was currently going through a movement of Dark Fantasy. On a planet where everyone is born with magic, filmmakers try to explore the horror in being without, of being empty. Last night, the film followed a young boy who was forced into a world with no magic after losing his magic. At first, he was fascinated with the strange coping mechanisms the society had created, but eventually, he's horrified to find the empty spot where magic is supposed to be is filled with an inexplicable wanting.</p><p>In many ways, that's how Morty felt about school or being on his Earth in general. He used to keep himself entertained with the weird customs: how petty the drama was, the irrelevance of the concepts they had to learn, and the simplicity of the social norms being ingrained in them. However, seeing the same people fight over space in small and crowded hallways or make plans on worn-out lockers revealed to him the truth. There was nothing to learn from these people whose goals couldn't even begin to be ambitious enough, couldn't comprehend how limited their own mind was. </p><p>Morty's condescending attitude toward school didn't mean he hadn't tried to participate in regular social life. He'd gotten a bit taller and gained some muscle. He dressed better and spent more time on his hair. Still, he was the weird kid who spent more time out of school than in it. Further, his social skills were low; he'd never really adjusted to the nuances of Earth's customs. He'd learned to stop talking and let his appearance carry the conversation. This guaranteed him an invite to most significant parties and a wave from Jessica and company.  </p><p>Morty turned and looked at Jessica. She was in a group of people, but it's clear they were all there for her. Jessica was the type of popular you only got if you were nice, pretty, and talented. The kind of person everyone recognized as so good, the entire student body had to protect her from the realities of being a teenager. Her body-toned from dancing, curves that filled her pastel purple t-shirt and tiny matching skirt, and bright orange hair to her waist only helped. </p><p>Morty allowed himself to be drawn into the day's gossip: someone had gotten their hair dyed a crazy color, another cheating scandal, Jessica's party tonight. Morty stopped on that and leaned closer to the group of kids on the left. That could be interesting. Jessica's parties were filled with free booze and were notorious for inevitably devolving into drama and depravity. It would be an excellent way to celebrate his birthday.  </p><p>The bell rang, and Morty watched Jessica walk into the hallway. He waited a moment and then got up to follow. </p><p>"Jessica!" Morty called out. </p><p>Jessica turned around and pulled a lollipop out of her mouth. Morty wasn't sure when she had added that to her signature. However, he did remember a PTA mom being so upset about how obscene it was she tried to get Jessica suspended. The student body had responded by giving Jessica packs of suckers. </p><p>Morty put on his best Rick impression, releasing the tension in his muscles and forgetting any concern for himself or others, and leaned against the locker next to Jessica's. "I heard you're having a party tonight." </p><p>"What about it?" Jessica asked with a soft pop of her lips. </p><p>They'd started flirting almost as a joke. Another failed alien invasion had left Morty at peak mystery. The only person he bothered to talk to was Jessica, so the student body assumed they were dating or about to date. They'd played into, often making little romantic gestures in the hallways. There was a brief moment when Morty thought Jessica might actually have feelings for him. He was distracted with the horror of realizing the only person he was attracted to was his grandfather. Then Jessica had shown up with a new girlfriend, and it didn't matter anymore. The flirting remained, but it was now clearly a joke on both sides. </p><p>"Can I guarantee that whatever sap you got to be the bouncer is gonna let me in?" Morty moved in closer as the hallway got more and more crowded. </p><p>Jessica batted her eyes at him. For a second, Morty wondered if he still had a chance. Then he followed Jessica's hand back to her girlfriend, standing behind her, Kory. She was about as tall as Morty, long, dark purple hair over her left shoulder. She wore a white long sleeve shirt, over light brown trousers, held up by a chain of random charms collected through her and Jessica's relationship, and the newest vans. She was glaring at him. Morty put the thought out of his head.  </p><p>"You know you're always invited to my house," Jessica said. </p><p>Morty pushed himself off the locker with. A wink. "Then I'll see you later." Morty pushed through the long hallway, a lone explorer in the sea of people.  </p><p>***</p><p>Morty tried his best to remain invisible at the dinner table that night. His parents had made up, so their conversation took up most of the space in the kitchen. He knew when he smelled meatloaf, his least favorite food, that his parents had forgotten his birthday. He wanted to feel hurt, but that would be expecting better. His parents had been withdrawing since Summer left. </p><p>Rick kept looking at him, but if Morty refused to acknowledge it, he knew Rick wouldn't say anything. He wasn't exactly sure what Rick was mad about, the kiss or Morty pussyfooting around it. However, Rick hated when Beth or Jerry knew anything about his relationship with Morty, even more than Morty not listening to him. </p><p>Morty tried to shovel his food as quickly as possible. While tuning out Jerry's monologue about something boring he had done during the day. It was a race he was familiar with: if he was here during a moment of silence, his parents would remember he was here and force him to speak. </p><p>Jerry began to slow down in his story, just as Morty scraped off the last bits of food. Morty jumped up and slipped away from the table-</p><p>"How-how are you celebrating your birthday, Mo-Morty?" Rick asked. </p><p>Morty turned to glare at him. He wanted to punch the smug glare off of Rick's face. "I don't have any special plans."</p><p>Beth and Jerry looked like deers caught in headlights. They looked at each other. Morty assumed they were both trying to come up with a plan to pretend they hadn't forgotten. </p><p>"No special plans. It's important to turn this age, Morty." Jerry said. </p><p>"Yeah, I mean, this age is the best." Beth followed. </p><p>Morty just stared at them, and then looked down at the meatloaf Beth was still eating. Beth winced and bumped into Jerry.  </p><p> "I mean, it's really a whole new world." Jerry finished lamely.  </p><p>His parents didn't know how old he was. He glanced at Rick, a brief flash of regret crossed Rick's face. Even he didn't think it would be this bad. Rick's face contorted into anger. However, Morty couldn't summon the energy to be upset. It wasn't their fault that they had gotten bored with being parents. </p><p>Morty made his way to the kitchen and placed his dishes in the sink. He walked over to the stairs. "I'm going to a friend's party tonight." </p><p>Beth and Jerry looked relieved. "Oh, your friends are throwing you a birthday party, that's sweet." </p><p>Morty wanted to let them have that. He can see their conversation that night perfectly, like a scene in a movie. </p><p>They'd be curled in bed, probably just finishing disappointing make-up sex. Beth would look up at the ceiling and ask, <em>Are we bad parents?</em>  Jerry would shake his head and curl up closer to Beth, but she wouldn't let him. <em>Of course not. What teenage boy wants to spend his birthday with his parents. </em> Beth will nod. <em>I mean, Summer did this. And at dinner, he was racing to get out. Probably to see his friends.</em> Jerry will nod and say, <em>Exactly</em>, as he falls asleep. </p><p>Then the camera will shift. A single shot focused on Beth. She'll probably have a flash of regret in her eyes. Maybe she'll whisper into the air, <em>I'm glad he turned out alright, despite everything </em>.  Then she'll fall asleep comforted, still feeling superior to Jerry for knowing something was wrong. Yet, living with the comfort that it all worked on in the end. </p><p>Morty could allow his parents to think that someone in the world cared about their son. "I didn't say anything about it being my party." But they didn't deserve it.  </p><p>Suddenly, the house felt too small. He had wanted to change beforehand, but the air in their house was starting to make his skin itch. He practically ran to the front door, opening it wide. Allowing some of the fresh air to calm him down. </p><p>"I'll be back late or whatever. "Morty called behind him. He turned to look back for just a moment and took in Jerry and Beth's disappointed faces. He looked at Rick, face a blank slate again. Morty turned away and walked into the world, closing the door gently behind him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Neon Lights Still Leave Dark Corners (Jonesy, 1967)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Morty goes to Jessica's party</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jessica's home was huge and ugly. A ton of houses shoved together, bound with random columns, combined into a fortress pretending to be a McMansion. Morty stood outside, filled with regret. The lights were just being turned off through the house, and he could only see a few shadows moving through the house. He had arrived too early, but it would be awkward to leave now. He hesitated for a moment, then stepped forward and knocked.  </p>
<p>The door opened, revealing Kory. She looked slightly distracted, probably still in the middle of setting up for the party. She also hadn't changed, but Morty doubted she had plans to. She glared at him, and he wondered if she would tell anyone if he just walked away and came back later. </p>
<p>"Jessica's busy," Kory said. </p>
<p>"I'm just here for the party," Morty replied. He peaked around and looked into the house. The lobby was just as grand as the outside of the house. A few people, presumably house staff, walked around, turning on neon lights and setting up the alcohol. Some kids had arrived and sat on a bench, but it was clear from the comfort in their body that they were close friends of Jessica. Kory moved to block his view. </p>
<p>"A bit early, huh?" </p>
<p>Kory looked Morty in the eye. She didn't want him to come in, and he was quickly coming to join her. Morty tapped his jacket pocket and felt the portal gun. He didn't understand why he was here. He could be anywhere in the multiverse, a place that had never made him feel small. </p>
<p>"You're right, I'll come back later-"</p>
<p>"Morty!" Jessica ran up from behind and nudged Kory out of the way." She had already changed. Her t-shirt replaced with a tube top and her skirt with some light wash jeans. "I'm glad you finally came to one of these. You're a bit early-"</p>
<p>"Yeah, babe, I was just explaining-"Kory interjected.  </p>
<p>Jessica ignored her. "But feel free to come in. The booze is out, and all the best people are already here." Jessica ended with a wink. </p>
<p>Jessica's bright smile implied innocence, but her eyes showed she knew more than. She was letting on. When Morty met this universe's Jessica for the first time, she'd already been friends with this version of Morty. He didn't know how they'd become friends, but he'd taken it in as another part of his new life. He allowed himself to become the Morty who had a green backpack instead of blue and didn't untie his shoes to take them off. He turned himself into the type of Morty who befriended Jessica, who was cool enough to get into her parties. There were still moments where he wondered what that Morty would do. When he doubted, he remembered This Morty is Jessica's friend. </p>
<p>Morty placed a smirk on his face and put his hand in Jessica's. "Sorry to bother. Where's the booze?" </p>
<p>"It's scattered around the house, but I can show you where the stuff you'll probably like is." Jessica smiled. </p>
<p>Morty ignored the crushed look on Kory's face. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Morty arrived behind Jessica in the kitchen to see Martin's Beer cans lined up on the counter. Martin's was a notoriously gross brand made by leftover aliens. The alcohol percentage was too high to call it beer, but no one could convince them to name it anything else. Morty had never met anyone else who liked it. </p>
<p>Morty walked to the counter and opened up a can. "I didn't know you liked Martin's." </p>
<p>"I don't." Jessica jumped up on the counter beside him. "But I remembered you do. So, when I heard you were coming tonight, I picked some up." </p>
<p>Morty froze. How often was he around Jessica that she had begun to notice the type of alcohol he liked? He never talked about it- Rick hated the stuff - so she must have figured it out through exposure alone. </p>
<p>Morty looked at Jessica and found himself drowning under the depth of their relationship. The knowledge in her smile now felt intimidating instead of inviting. </p>
<p>Morty ripped his eyes from Jessica and looked out the glass sliding doors at the back of the house. Outside he saw Jessica's party signature: a bonfire. The flames battled the darkness for dominance. It looked like it could spill over at any moment and burn the entire neighborhood to the ground. Morty could feel Jessica's eyes on him, but he couldn't look away.</p>
<p>There's an Earth where humans can regenerate at will. They loved fire. The version of Morty he had spoken to talked about having sex while the flames surrounded you. You become fully encased in warmth and pain, the feelings mixing until they were inseparable. The fire burns off everything: memories, mistakes, relationships. Your only left with the feeling of pleasure. Then, you cease to exist. </p>
<p>Morty downed some more Martin's. "Thanks. I'm gonna go mingle." Morty said without turning around. Sometimes he couldn't bear the responsibility of being Jessica's Morty.</p>
<p>*** </p>
<p>The backyard sat empty, except for a few stragglers. However, the solitude allowed him a moment to rebuild and recalculate. He released all the tension in his body, ruffled his hair, and let a flirtatious smile spread over his face. He looked around the yard, searching for a person who would be willing to take him home tonight. Someone easy to be with and easier to forget. </p>
<p>Music began to flow from inside the house. A soft R&amp;B beat growing with the crowd of people. </p>
<p>Finally, he saw a boy in the back. He was cute but mostly unremarkable. A twink perfect to pick up and fuck, shy enough to never try to talk to Morty again after.</p>
<p>Morty walked over to him, but - </p>
<p>"Morty, right?" </p>
<p>Morty's vision was filled with striking blue hair. He rapidly blinked his eyes and tried to get his bearings. He wasn't used to being caught off guard, especially on Earth. <br/>He took a deep breath and took a better look at the boy who approached him. An African-American boy wearing a large sweater over a collared shirt and jeans stood in front of him. His short afro was bright blue, evidence of being freshly dyed. Morty recognized him the way he remembered all of his classmates: they had definitely attended the same school for years, but Morty couldn't place his name. He had a soft face with open features that were gazing at Morty for some type of response. Morty thought he'd seen him around Jessica, but he couldn't think of anything else. Then, he decided he didn't care. </p>
<p>"Yeah," Morty replied. </p>
<p>The boy didn't get the message. Instead, he moved closer. "Jackson, by the way. We're in the same math class." </p>
<p>"That shouldn't be the first thing you tell people. They'll think your stupid." Morty tried to remember seeing Jackson in class today, but he couldn't place him. </p>
<p>Jackson chuckled. "Then, I'm giving an accurate first impression." </p>
<p>If he expected a laugh in return, Morty wasn't going to give it to him. This led to an uncomfortable moment in which they both stared at each other. The twink started moving back into the house. Morty attempted to shift around Jackson. </p>
<p>"Your grandfather takes you to space, right?" Jackson asked. </p>
<p>Morty always hated this question. He felt it minimized the experience of being in the multiverse. Yet, he found it to be inevitable. Every kid who came up to him eventually asked about it. Some weird attempt at a conversation starter, as if some comments about "space" could begin to encapsulate the scope of his experience.</p>
<p>"What's it like?" Jackson asked.  </p>
<p>Morty kept his eyes on the twink. "Better." </p>
<p>Jackson stepped in his line of sight. "How so?" </p>
<p>There was something off in Jackson's tone. It was almost as if he cared. Morty turned to look at Jackson. He was met with a tight mouth and piercing eyes, an expression Morty recognized. He felt it himself whenever Rick refused to give a history of a planet, wouldn't allow him to talk to an alien, wouldn't let him just look for a moment. It's not only frustration but resentment because you're being stolen from. Morty realized this wasn't a conversation starter, but Jackson wanted Morty to be a passing window into space. It compelled him to give a real answer. </p>
<p>"Everything and everyone just feels like it has more weight. It's like the second I'm off this planet, I can see the history and culture and realities that have shaped the places around me." Jackson nodded, but Morty could tell he still didn't get it. </p>
<p>'Like, once we went to this…" Morty waved his hands in the air. "I guess the space equivalent of South by Southwest. And all the films that were playing were fantastic. Not just in craft, but they had something to say. Because they knew what it truly meant to exist. What is means to be small to be powerful or to matter at all is different when you've met giants or have magic or lead an intergalactic revolution. </p>
<p>Morty looked into the sky and allowed himself to be lost in the memory. "But it was really a band we saw that clarified it for me. I'm in a crowd of some of the wildest looking aliens, all on the worst possible drugs, washed in a rainbow of colors. None of it mattered because I was enraptured by the band. Really, their lyrics. And I began to cry. Because how could I ever say anything at all, when I hadn't really experienced anything" Morty looked back at Jackson and realized he'd been rambling. "So, yeah, just better. Sorry." </p>
<p>"Don't apologize. I like hearing you talk." Jackson's eyes were shining, and Morty could tell he really meant it. </p>
<p>Morty visibly frowned, confused. Then he got irritated. There wasn't anyone, aside from Rick, who could get him to so clearly display his emotions.  </p>
<p>Jackson took a seat on the ground and patted a spot next to him.  He pulled out a cigarette, seeming content with his look into the galaxy. "You like film ever been to an Earth film festival?" </p>
<p>Morty didn't want to sit, feeling he had done his part, but he didn't want to be rude to one of Jessica's friends. He tried looking for the twink from earlier as an excuse, but he was long gone. Morty stared down at Jackson, who was looking forward, with no expectation at all. Morty sat down. </p>
<p>"Yeah, but only Sundance." Morty finally replied.  </p>
<p>"What? You have to go to Cannes, or what's the point?" Jackson said dramatically. Morty stared at him. "What?"</p>
<p>"That's a bit snobbish," Morty replied. </p>
<p>"Says the guy who only values art from aliens." </p>
<p>Morty felt offended. "I like Earth art. I watch tons of Earth films."</p>
<p>"Really? Name one." </p>
<p>Morty began racking his brain for films from this Earth. "Um, Shoplifters, 2018 by Hirokazu Kore-eda." He remembered watching it the first time with Summer on their living room couch, but that didn't mean much.  </p>
<p>Jackson tilted his head. "Really?"</p>
<p>Morty began to panic. "That is from Earth, right?" Jackson chuckled. "What's funny?"</p>
<p>"It's surprisingly cute that you remembered the director, but not the planet it's from." Jackson gave Morty a smirk. </p>
<p>Morty felt his face getting hot. "I'm not-"</p>
<p>"Also, you know where Shoplifters aired… Cannes International Film Festival. Thank you for proving my point."</p>
<p>"What's so good about Cannes, anyway?" Morty knew he sounded petulant, but Jackson irritated him. Most annoyingly, he couldn't place why. </p>
<p>"It's the first film festival I ever went to. My parents were ex-pats, so they always tried to find a new way to apologize for ripping me away from my friends again. I wasn't fond of Cannes. It's pretty, nice place to vacation, I guess, but nothing like the bustling cities I had come from. The film festival started, and I fell in love with it. The crowds of people on the street from all over the world, spilling out of buildings, stacked on top of each other for one reason: movies. The people, the films, and the city were suddenly beautiful in a way I wanted to experience over and over again. I only went once, but it's been my favorite ever since." </p>
<p>Morty could see it in his mind. Not just the city, but a smaller version of the man in front of him, shorter, less muscle, a natural hair color, and a pure smile on his face. The soft realization that there are places that mean more than buildings or people, but tell you about yourself. </p>
<p>When Jackson stopped speaking, Morty realized how close his face was to Jackson. It would be easy to lean in, replace Jackson with the boy from earlier. It shocked him how little he wanted to do that. </p>
<p>"Wh-What m-movies do you like?" Morty stuttered out, trying to regain his bearings. </p>
<p>Jackson began listing off a combination of art films and blockbuster action films. Despite his intentions, Morty found himself drawn into conversation. They talked about movies they'd both seen, or Jackson would give recommendations for Earth films Morty hadn't watched. In return, Morty would try to describe alien films Jackson might like.</p>
<p>*** </p>
<p>Morty was in the middle of explaining the film from the night before. <i>"Right, and then he realizes that thee's no point to existing without magic or without some grand motivation. It's like… what's the world without ambition." </i></p>
<p>And Jackson was pushing back.<i> "Like I said, I'd need to see the film. But. If your right and the society is born with magic. How could magic represent greatness? Wouldn't it be something like searching for someone you love? Who was, yeah special, but more importantly, a core part of your being. So much so, that their removal is the same as ripping out your existence." </i></p>
<p>When Jessica came out of the house. </p>
<p>"Sorry to interrupt your film club, but I wanted to invite you guys to this party I'm having." Jessica's joked. </p>
<p>Morty looked up, startled. Jessica had a weird look on her face, but Morty ignored it. Instead, he looked around the rest of the yard. People overflowed from the house and nearly filled the backyard. The R&amp;B music had transitioned to a rap song, and Morty could no longer hear the lyrics over the crowd. Rick would be pissed if he realized how distracted Morty had allowed himself to be.</p>
<p>Then Morty felt his body: the laziness in his posture, the relaxed look on his face, and the tickle in his throat that meant he had been laughing too much. It was indistinguishable to the feeling of a good day on the ship, and it scared him. He mentally began scrambling for the pieces of the costume he liked to wear in public.</p>
<p>"Sorry, Ica, lost track of time." Jackson placed his hand on the back of his neck and played with the wisp of blue hair. The familiar gesture from the wrong person caused all of the pieces Morty had collected to fall apart. He jumped up to his feet and looked for an exit. </p>
<p>He looked at Jessica. "We were actually just about to head inside." </p>
<p>Jackson turned to look at him, but Morty kept his eyes ahead. </p>
<p>"Well, if that's the case: May I have this dance." Jessica said with a small curtsey. </p>
<p>Morty laughed. "Of course, M'lady." </p>
<p>Jessica shot him a broad smile and grabbed his hand. He found the pieces, he was the Morty who was Jessica's friend, and that was easy. If Jessica had any expectation, she always knew to keep them to herself. Morty allowed his persona to wash over him, getting into every crevice of his body until he was nothing else. </p>
<p>"Just lead the way." Morty said. </p>
<p>"Yeah, Ica. Let's go." Jackson spoke calmly as if he had been apart of the conversation all along. Jessica just flashed him a smile in return. </p>
<p>Jessica dragged Morty into the house, and Jackson followed closely behind. Morty finally realized how much the party had escalated while he was talking to Jackson. The bass boomed throughout the house as dozens of kids pushed up against each other. The smell of alcohol and weed and sex pervaded throughout the house. Kids have begun pairing off into dark corners, and Morty thinks he sees the twink, but he doesn't bother to linger. </p>
<p>Party's are a weird type of home for Morty. They're not private like his bedroom. They're not safe like the ship. He never gets to be "off" while he's at them. However, it's a familiar form of performance. The party, a comfortable stage for Party Morty, to make an appearance. Private because he never has to be honest. Safe because anything that happens is to someone else. His favorite armor encased him, and Morty zoned out. </p>
<p>When they arrived in the middle of the party, Jessica stopped walking and placed Morty's hands around her waist. Morty pulled her closer and allowed the music to wash over him. Then, they were dancing. It was risqué, essentially grinding, but Jessica was the one with a girlfriend, and she never said anything. Morty just kept dancing. And kept dancing, And kept dancing.</p>
<p>At some point, he saw Jackson leave, but Morty pushed it out of his mind. Eventually, Jessica left, or maybe she was pulled from his arms, but Morty didn't notice. He allowed himself to be pushed through the crowd. The beat got faster, and Morty matched it with a parade of dance partners. The body heat surrounds him and licks at his skin. Morty relished in it. </p>
<p>A guy way taller and way buffer was pressed up against him smoking a joint. Morty plucked it from his lips and took a pull. He got on his tiptoes, leaned in like he was going to give a kiss, then blew out. He gave a light chuckle and peck on the cheek as a consolation prize. The guys pulled Morty closer. </p>
<p>He found some of the alcohol scattered around the house. He chugs something, but it's nowhere near strong enough. He pushed through the crowd and saw a girl leaning on a table, with a cup of something on the brink of dangerous. He went up flirted, took the cup, and downed it. He offered her a dance as an apology, and she dragged him to the dance floor. </p>
<p>Soon each drink, each partner, each moment was a blur. The music got faster, and Morty just moved along with it. It was a quick-moving mirage of images and body heat. Then Morty reached it, the Fire. Everything's gone, memory, relationships, the only thing left was the body he's pressed up against. </p>
<p>Someone yanked him out of the crowd and put their hands on his waist. "Miss me."</p>
<p>Morty blinked into the whirling colors solidified. It was Jessica. "Always babe, always."</p>
<p>Jessica's hair was a bit messed up like she'd just fixed it in a hurry. Her eyes were wet, and her cheeks were warm. A better friend might ask her about it. Instead, Morty pulled her closer and kept dancing, trying to get the high again. </p>
<p>"So, you and Jackson, huh?"</p>
<p>Morty gave up. Jessica wasn't going to cooperate. "Yeah, he's cool."</p>
<p>"Just cool?" Jessica peeked up at him, and Morty knew she was asking a different question, but he couldn't figure out what.  </p>
<p>"Yeah, I don't know if we'll be friends, but he's not boring. Not like some people in here." </p>
<p>This appeared to settle Jessica's concerns. "Well that's good. I worry about you all alone."</p>
<p>Morty rolled his eyes. He wasn't sure if she was lying to him or both of them. Still, he was confident his isolation hadn't motivated her reaction to Jackson. </p>
<p>The music calmed down, and a slow song came on. Morty made to slip his arms out from around Jessica, but she pulled him in closer. He could feel the tears soak through his shirt and the slight stumble in her step. </p>
<p>Morty felt a rush of resentment towards Jessica and the Morty, who had chosen to be her friend. He despised her family, who cared and her friends who wanted to help and her girlfriend, who valued their relationship enough to protect it. He resented that Jessica didn't need to find comfort in the inferno of teenage depravity, but could live her life with support from her relationships. Most of all, he hated how careless she was with them. How dare she dance with him when there was someone who cared if she was coming back. </p>
<p>Morty detangled his arms from Jessica's body. "I gotta go." </p>
<p>"Actually, I was just about to play a game in the back…" Jessica looked at Morty with big round, innocent eyes. If Morty lived as someone else, then Jessica surely did as well. A child, never forced to grow up, Jessica could be 8 or 14 or 18, and it wouldn't matter. The whole aesthetic was a trick, but among the chaos, Jessica looked so small. He decided to fall for it one more time. </p>
<p>"Sure, lead the way."</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Jessica brought Morty to her childhood playroom in the back of her house. A room frozen in time, bright pink walls, large shelves with a collection of color-coordinated toys, and a large dollhouse reminiscent of Jessica's home. Everything had a light layer of dust, except the couch in the back of the room next to a closed closet door. </p>
<p>The room was stuffed full of kids, trying to make themselves into a circle and failing, passing around alcohol and laughing loudly. Even drunk Jessica commanded attention, as she walked into the room, everyone's eyes went to her. Except, Jackson and Kory sitting on the couch whispering to each other, but refusing to notice the door. </p>
<p>If this was a bad high school movie, Morty would try to turn around and walk out the door. Jessica would grab his hand and pull him back in, give him a look like <i> you promised</i>, and Morty would sigh. He'd go sit on the floor and fiddle with his fingers in a corner. Instead, Morty sat next to the door and waited for the alcohol to come his way. </p>
<p>Jessica relished in the attention. She looked around, making slow eye contact with everyone in the room. Then she pulled out an empty bottle of beer, and the room descended into cheers. </p>
<p>Jessica placed the bottle in the middle of the room like a baby in a cradle. "We'll play Classic: spinner and the person it lands on spend 7 minutes in the closet. Then spinner chooses who goes next." The room nodded, desperate for the game to start. </p>
<p>The game moved quickly. The bottle kept going round and round, the same stories playing over and over again. Someone attempting to get a particular person, failing, and two awkward teens going to the closet. Then 7 minutes when the whole room waits to see what happened. A blushing face, repeat. </p>
<p>Morty held a bottle of alcohol hostage and watched it play out. The bottle sometimes getting close to him but always missing. Morty didn't know how to feel. He had wanted to take someone home, but in the midst of them, it's so apparent how young his classmates are—the lack of experience of life, just another ravine between them and him. </p>
<p>"Morty." </p>
<p>Morty looked up and saw the entire room staring at him. A feeling of dread came over his body. He looked down and saw the bottle had landed on him. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Morty stepped into the black void of the closet and closed the door behind him. The person who had spun had gone in while Morty was distracted, so he had no idea what to expect. For a moment, there was nothing but an exchange of breath and body heat. </p>
<p>Then, "Guess we meet again." Jackson spoke. </p>
<p>"Jackson?" </p>
<p>"Yeah. How drunk are you?" Jackson asked with a chuckle. </p>
<p>"I don't get drunk." Morty acted guarded. He wasn't sure how, but this kid had distracted him to the point of openness earlier. He needed to keep his distance. </p>
<p>"Well, not gonna risk it. I've decided not to kiss you."</p>
<p>"Funny, I just reached the same conclusion." </p>
<p>Jackson laughed and pushed closer. Suddenly, Morty realized how hard it was to keep his distance in a closet this size. He also noticed how tall Jackson was, but how his chest fit neatly within Morty's. Morty could feel Jackson breath on his face and a few stray curls of his hair. </p>
<p>"Tell me a secret instead."</p>
<p>"I don't have any secrets."</p>
<p>"Come on, we're supposed to be doing something in this closet. And what's more intimate than a secret." </p>
<p>Morty didn't know what to do with his hands. He thought they'd fit around Jackson's hip's nicely but didn't know what to do with that information. </p>
<p>"You go first, then." Morty replied. </p>
<p>"Okay." Jackson leaned in close. "When we first moved here, in sophomore year, I told my parents I was bisexual." Jackson took a breath. </p>
<p>Morty desperately wanted to see Jackson's eyes, get some hint of where the story was going, but he didn't have to. He had a feeling he knew. </p>
<p>"And, the look on their face. They didn't throw me out, didn't even say anything negative. Just thanked me for telling them and walked away—the crushing weight of disappointment in the house. I couldn't handle it. I went out to the park, and I just sat on the swing. I swung for hours, desperate to get over the bars, see if there was really something better on the other side." </p>
<p>Morty wrapped his arms around Jackson and pulled him in. There wasn't anything for him to say. The moment you realize your parents' love is conditional is unforgettable, a permanent scar on your heart. </p>
<p>Jackson tried to keep his breathing even, but ever so often, Morty would here a slight stutter, like he was holding back tears. Morty buried his face in Jackson's chest. </p>
<p>"It's my 18th birthday." </p>
<p>Morty was met with silence, and Jackson went still. "That's not a secret."</p>
<p>"Yes it is. Because your one of two people who know. My parents don't know. My sister doesn't know. Jessica doesn't know. Just you." Morty tried to laugh, but it's lost in Jackson's chest. </p>
<p>Jackson put his hand under Morty's face and tilted his face. He leaned down and placed a light peck on Morty's lip. Morty tried to deepen the kiss, but Jackson shifted back.</p>
<p>"Later. Right now, just…" Jackson trailed off. "Tell me about space again."</p>
<p>Morty nodded, even though Jackson couldn't see him. He began a story about some far off galaxy about lonely planets who waited for their whole orbit to have one conversation. Jackson leaned in close and gave Morty's storytelling a score with his breathing. They tried to live out this moment for as long as possible, letting the minutes in heaven to roll past them. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Later that night, Morty stumbled back into his house. He hadn't lied when he told Jackson he didn't get drunk, but his head felt cloudy from something tonight. The party moved through his mind a sandstorm consuming itself piling up into dunes Morty tried to push to the back of his mind. </p>
<p>He walked into the kitchen and grabbed himself a glass of water. He listened to see if he could hear anyone. He's met with a silent house, the soft echoes of his small action making the house seem larger then it is. </p>
<p>Morty made his way up the stairs. He looked at his parents' room to see the door shut. He listened to see if he would hear anything. He was met with silence. Summer's room sat closed, as it had for the past two years since she moved out. Rick's door sat closed, but Morty figured he was in the garage. </p>
<p>Morty made his way to his room. He flicked on the light and began taking off his clothes in preparation for bed. He pulled his shirt over his head and looked at his bed. Rick looked directly back at him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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